Apropos of Nothing

March 28, 2008

A Few Philosophical Questions

Filed under: Fun Stuff,Humour,Philosophy — aproposofnothing @ 9:47 pm

#4 Updated 11/25/2008 for our handicapped readers missing their funny bone.

  1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
  3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  4. <snark>If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?</snark>
  5. The main reason santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “where’s the self-help section?” she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
  7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  10. Is there another word for synonym?
  11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
  12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  19. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
  21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  24. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have “s” n it?
  29. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
  30. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  32. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
  33. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god



  1. >>If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

    Reply: Scientists have been trying to explain for over a century that humans did not evolve from apes.
    “Humans and other apes are descended from a common ancestor whose population split to become two (and more) lineages. The question is rather like asking, “If many Americans and Australians are descended from Europeans, why are there still Europeans around?”” talkorigins.org

    Humans and apes are still around because each has found its own niche where it survives better than its competitors.

    Comment by Kenny Woo — March 29, 2008 @ 7:25 am | Reply

    • I disagree because Americans and Austalians are not different species, they simply moved to different locations and started new settlements. If ape and humans were the same (not close to the same, but the same) then you might have an arguement.

      Comment by Dark Water — November 5, 2011 @ 6:18 pm | Reply

      • @ Dark Water – Kenny Woo did not say that apes and humans were the same, he said man did not evolve from apes or monkeys, which is true. We descend from a “ape-like” animal which gave rise to human species and apes alike. This species is now extinct today, and provides a solid basis for why our genetics are so similar. Furthermore he gave an analogy to help ignorant people such as yourself understand it easier.

        “If ape and humans were the same (not close to the same, but the same) then you might have an arguement.” — Thank you for proving my point.

        Do some research, look up primape evolution, take some bio classes. Since humans and apes evolved from the same species, NOT UNDER THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES, there is no way they would be identical. It just is not how nature works, sorry kid.

        Comment by Cody — November 10, 2011 @ 11:52 pm

    • Don’t spread your Satanist lies here brother!

      Comment by Jimbo Redwood — August 21, 2012 @ 10:14 pm | Reply

  2. Bravo, Kenny! I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought that question was especially stupid.

    Comment by RyBread — July 6, 2008 @ 3:56 pm | Reply

  3. okay…these are obviously jokes. this person isn’t some creationist bullshitter.

    Comment by Sam Blake — August 24, 2008 @ 11:36 pm | Reply

  4. Thank you Sam! I agree. And we could fight oven evolution and creationism till the end of time. …just wait and see what happens at the end of time. Hope you followed your heart and went down the right path in life.

    Comment by Jamie — October 16, 2008 @ 12:01 pm | Reply

  5. Actually Kenny, the migration of Europeans is not comparable to the evolutionary process at all.

    Comment by Brad Marshall — November 2, 2008 @ 8:23 am | Reply

  6. The comments ruined this.

    Comment by Billy Joe — November 16, 2008 @ 10:15 pm | Reply

  7. think about it, the only reason we associate humans with apes (despite our neglagent tail bone) is because we want to find a relationship between what did and didnt happen at the beginning of time(time being however you interpret it). what you should focus on is how we can survive months in a womb of liquid. then we are born into air and its the first thing we cry about. have you ever heard of a baby crying in the womb?

    Comment by jason — November 24, 2008 @ 2:20 am | Reply

  8. Who among here is believing that they evolved from apes??! uh oh!

    Comment by Samantha — January 7, 2009 @ 9:32 am | Reply

  9. The main reason santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

    Hahahaha so true!! love it!!

    Comment by Laura — January 8, 2009 @ 4:39 pm | Reply

  10. Based on these comments I am confused who the monkeys are, but clearly they can type. A joke is a joke is a joke, get your sphincter loosened and enjoy life

    Comment by Dave — March 13, 2009 @ 7:22 am | Reply

  11. Okay think anyone that came up with a question that numbs your head and makes you laugh deserves a clap!!! Is philosophy just a way of relaxing your mind?

    Comment by Louise — April 8, 2009 @ 4:21 pm | Reply

  12. try this is good

    Comment by hemroids — May 9, 2009 @ 8:47 pm | Reply

  13. Ironically, believing in evolution is just as much a religion as Christianity or Jewish… and so on, since there is no PROOF that evolution is real, only theories that still have many unexplained anomalies.

    As Max Planck said:”A new scientific ‘truth’ does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die and a new generation grows up to be familiar with it.”

    Comment by Count Saint Germain — July 28, 2009 @ 5:29 am | Reply

    • @Count Saint Germain

      Neither science nor religion can ‘prove’ anything due to the simple matter that we can’t observe causation, only its effects.

      The key difference between science and religion however is that science is falsifiable. Science doesn’t (or at least shouldn’t) claim to prove anything as truth but merely the most plausible explanation until disproved.

      On the issue of evolution, if you’d like to see it with your own eyes then watch time lapse of fruit flies. They can breed so quickly and adapt that scientists have been able to breed entire new sub-species in the lab. Evolution before your very eyes.

      Comment by Dave — November 3, 2009 @ 10:12 pm | Reply

    • The thing is Count Saint Germain, there is aproof of evolution.
      You learn about genes and evolution in high school.
      It’s just stunning that people can’t accept facts. Such as homosexuality and it not being a choice.

      Comment by Bill Davenport — November 28, 2009 @ 5:57 pm | Reply

      • Well then, if homosexuality is a choice, you are saying that you are sexually attracted to men, Mr. Bill Davenport! And I suppose you chose to be with a woman, or perhaps, you are with a man. Nice choice Mr. Davenport.

        Comment by Jorydn — January 4, 2010 @ 8:26 am

      • If homosexuality was hereditary then it would have died out. Who would they pass the genes down to? It’s a choice.

        Comment by Dark Water — November 5, 2011 @ 6:21 pm

    • hey thanks alot, i always liked the first one haha

      Comment by Treatment of Hemorrhoids — July 29, 2010 @ 3:09 pm | Reply

    • idiots believe that evolution is a theory…only idiots and religious fanatics.

      Comment by Mickey Kaye — April 1, 2011 @ 12:01 pm | Reply

  14. monkey and apes’ will always be what they are.and man will wlways be man no matter how much the evolution theory trying to win the story of mankind.

    Comment by paulino — September 6, 2009 @ 9:51 pm | Reply

  15. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
    I like petting sweaty things….
    One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
    More like 10 tequlia….still going strong!

    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
    Haha This one is great!!!!
    How is it possible to have a civil war
    I know eh!!!!!

    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
    ( :

    Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
    Favorite one!

    Comment by monica — May 18, 2010 @ 3:32 am | Reply

  16. Here’s another question/statement for everyone: Facts came to be because many people had similar or the same opinion on a subject. How can we call them facts?

    Comment by Josh — August 6, 2010 @ 12:52 pm | Reply

  17. We didn’t evolve from apes, we are apes.

    Comment by toby — August 22, 2010 @ 5:23 pm | Reply

  18. seviyorum sizi

    Comment by yer gök aşk — September 5, 2010 @ 3:11 pm | Reply

  19. God did not create man rather man created god to explain what man could not….

    Comment by Mel — March 13, 2011 @ 10:51 pm | Reply

  20. I typed “fun philosophy topics for research papers” on google and this is what I got. I’ve recently developed an interest in Philosophy, and am looking for fun topics for research papers. I almost peed my pants reading:7,8,10,11,14,19,20,24 and 33.

    To answer .27
    he has succeded in failing at failing to succeed.

    Awesome site

    Comment by Uriah Diaz — April 22, 2011 @ 7:24 pm | Reply

  21. […] Apropos of Nothing If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? […]

    Pingback by philosophy by legalbob - Pearltrees — December 15, 2011 @ 6:50 am | Reply

  22. This is sooooo funny but some people here have some good comments lmfao but most of the people here are clowns!!! heheheheh ;)

    Comment by Santana kicks ass — February 18, 2012 @ 12:56 am | Reply

  23. lol… Evolutionists can be very funny. When they don’t seem to find a possible explanation to the mess they made of existing creatures, they say they’re EXTINCT. Smh.
    Now they obviously didn’t have a logical explanation to the evolution of man, so they said man and apes came from an extinct being, knowing that nobody can ask the old none living vegetations and natural habitats if such creature have truely existed.

    I’ve been wondering… If a creature evolved to man and apes, why can’t man or apes evolve to something else? Don’t tell me its because this stage is the best stage that the change can finally remain and be satisfied with itself, because i don’t think apes will wanna be kept in a zoo or be hunted by man all the time. For that reason alone apes would want to change further, don’t you think?

    It’s very broad, but let me pause.

    Evolution is just a bunch of self thought satisfied people who just wanna say something. And they did. And since the world is a confused place with confused people looking for what to hold on to, they have followers. Its unfortunate

    Comment by pages — February 26, 2012 @ 7:10 am | Reply

    • You clearly have no idea what evolution is. It’s an extremely long process that takes hundreds of thousands of years of mutations. It’s not something that happens over a day. We’re not evolving at the moment because there are no mutations that benefit society and help us survive. Do some adequate research on evolution first before you attempt to bash it.

      Assuming your stance, religious people are just people with absolutely no curiosity. They pin the source of everything to one mysterious being known as God that has never left one shred of evidence on this planet. What if the prophets were hallucinating on drugs when they “met and spoke with God?”

      Comment by SauceMan — March 26, 2012 @ 11:09 pm | Reply

    • I wish I could study you, ‘pages’. Whatever it is that makes you and other creationists like you think this, I really do wish I could understand it.
      Obviously ignorance is playing a large role, but that can’t be the whole story either.

      Comment by Frankendoodle — May 5, 2012 @ 8:39 pm | Reply

  24. the human mind in itself is arogant .. it has to know and prove everything .. which indeed is a good thing for progress.. but to believe there is a God and to continuously try and prove this fact in order to believe it defies the whole excistence of God anyway .. this is why its called faith.. i for one believe in God and know the human mind will never comprehend Gods excistence no matter how long we live or how much we develope .. it is now and always be beyond our comprehention.. if we could prove it or comprehend it then we would be at God statis ..which we are not nor never shall be.. i believe in God and that God will forever be putting things in the path of us to keep us thinking and trying to work things out .. i really do want to go on but iv made a bit of my point .. and no matter who trys to prove the excistance or non excistance of God ill always believe .. and know it will always be beyond us .. thanks

    Comment by michael o toole — November 22, 2012 @ 6:06 pm | Reply

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    Comment by live chat adult free — May 27, 2013 @ 8:45 pm | Reply

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