Apropos of Nothing

June 3, 2008

Marriage Advise from Old Timers

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 6:00 pm

A young man walks up to a bar and sits down next to two old-timers, orders two shots, and immediately downs them. As the two geezers eye him, he orders another two shots, and a beer. He downs the two shots, and stares mournfully into his beer.

The first old timer says, “What’s bothering you, son?”
The young man says, swilling his beer, “I’m getting married tomorrow, and I think I’m getting cold feet.”
The second old timer says, “Cold feet? You came to the right place, between the two of us, we’ve been married over eighty years! Ask us anything you want”

The young man thinks for a second, shuffles nervously on the barstool, and says, “Well, I’ve heard that women change after you’ve married them! I love her, but I just don’t know!”
The first old timer laughs and says, “Nonsense! My wife is the same delicate flower she’s always been: sweet, caring, and dinner on the table every night. Why, I even started getting footrubs after we hitched!”

The young man nods thoughtfully, and continues, “Well, I’ve heard they can kind of get a little controlling, not letting us go out with the guys as much…”
The second geezer chuckles and says, “Marriage brought my relationship to a whole new level of trust. Mine lets me go out whenever I want, come back whenever I want, and stopped interrogating me the second I said, ‘I do’!”

“The sex! I heard there’s no more blow jobs, and that I’ll be lucky to get lucky once a month!” The groom-to-be shouted out.

Both men started laughing, the first one saying, “Are you joking? Marriage brought a whole new level of intimacy to our relationship! Our sex is as often, and hotter than ever! In fact, because she trusts me so much, she lets me do things now that she never did before!”

The young man sighed, obviously relieved. Looking back and forth between the two old men, he thanked them, saying, “You guys have really been great. You know what? I’m going home, right now, and I’m going to call Wanda and tell her I love her. I owe it all to you two.” Saying this, he ran out of the bar.

Geezer one looked at geezer two and said, “Nobody fucking warned me.”

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