Apropos of Nothing

June 17, 2008

PUT MORE STRESS INTO YOUR LIFE!

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 9:17 pm

Refuse to take action on nagging problems. Procrastinate, brood, and if possible, lose some sleep over them.

Make a concerted effort to take note of irritations in your life and blow them out of proportion.

Consider the power of negative thinking.

Hide your sense of humour. Erase the words smile, joke, and laugh from your vocabulary; concentrate on frowning.

If you’ve been working a 60 hour week, try 65 or 70 or 75! Spending more time at work will give you less time to consider how stressed you are.

Consume vast quantities of caffeine. As a stimulant it will ensure that you are awake day and night.

Practice the art of “hurry up and wait.” This means dashing off to join a line-up somewhere – like the bank, cinema, or ticket outlet.

Make sure you drive no further than two feet from the car in front.

To relieve boredom while waiting for traffic lights, pretend you are on the starting grid for the Indy 500.

Never read a book or listen to music.

Play “Hide and Seek” by concealing important documents from yourself.

Delegate nagging problems. You’ve proved that you can’t deal with them.

Tell yourself that your abilities are unlimited. Do not waver from this conviction until you are fired for lack of competence.

Giggle nervously. It will make other people nervous, meetings will be unproductive and you won’t come away with a long list of things to do.

Find a disagreeable tennis partner. Perhaps your spouse.

When feeling stressful, breathe deeply and hyperventilate until you pass out.

Take up gardening. Nothing can be more stressful if you don’t like it.

When things are going badly, knock your head against the wall. The resulting headache will supersede the original problem.

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