Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.
You will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn’t worth doing well.
Heck is where people go who don’t believe in gosh
Time is just nature’s way to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires
I don’t have a solution; but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
A picture is worth a thousand words. But it uses up a thousand times the memory
The Meek shall inherit the earth.. …after we’re through with it.
If a thing is worth doing, It would have been done already
Two can live as cheaply as one … for half as long.
Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Lord, If I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
The buck doesn’t even slow down here. So keep on going.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Sometimes too much to drink isn’t enough.
Jesus loves you It’s everybody else that thinks you’re an ass.
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
Welcome to Utah. Set your watch back 20 years.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
I was only looking at your name tag, honest!
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!
Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane.
My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat
Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?