- There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
- There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. – ……It could be a right number.
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
- Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
- Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
- Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
- Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
- Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
- Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
- My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
- My reality cheque bounced.
- God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
- Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- He who has, so shall he who. – Old Norwegian Proverb
- He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
- I am having an out of money experience.
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
April 24, 2010
Humorous Observations part 2
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