Apropos of Nothing

April 24, 2010

Humorous Observations part 2

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 11:21 am
  1. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
  2. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. – ……It could be a right number.
  3. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
  4. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
  5. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
  6. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
  7. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
  8. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
  9. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  10. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
  11. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
  12. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
  13. Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
  14. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
  15. My reality cheque bounced.
  16. God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
  17. Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.
  18. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
  19. He who has, so shall he who. – Old Norwegian Proverb
  20. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  21. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  22. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  23. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
  24. I am having an out of money experience.
  25. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

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