- A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
- Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
- Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
- After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
- Always be yourself because the people that matter, don’t mind. And the one’s that do mind don’t matter
- I bet you I could stop gambling.
- I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
- I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.
- I don’t get even, I get odder.
- I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
- I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
- I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
- I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
- I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
- If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
- If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
- If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
- If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
- If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
- If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
- If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
- If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …
April 30, 2010
Humorous Observations part 3
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