Apropos of Nothing

April 30, 2010

Humorous Observations part 3

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 11:22 am
  1. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
  2. Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
  3. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
  4. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
  5. Always be yourself because the people that matter, don’t mind. And the one’s that do mind don’t matter
  6. I bet you I could stop gambling.
  7. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
  8. I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.
  9. I don’t get even, I get odder.
  10. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
  11. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
  12. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
  13. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
  14. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
  15. I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.
  16. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  17. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
  18. If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
  19. If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
  20. If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
  21. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
  22. If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
  23. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
  24. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
  25. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …

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