Apropos of Nothing

May 5, 2010

Humorous Observations part 4

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 11:23 am
  1. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
  2. If you’re going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!
  3. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
  4. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  5. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering ‘What the heck happened?’
  6. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
  7. It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
  8. It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.
  9. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
  10. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
  11. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
  12. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  13. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by Picasso.
  14. No one ever says “It’s only a game.” when their team is winning.
  15. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
  16. Not afraid of heights – afraid of widths.
  17. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
  18. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  19. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  20. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
  21. Practice safe eating-always use condiments.
  22. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
  23. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
  24. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
  25. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

1 Comment »

  1. As to #19, there is the lie that Benjamin Franklin warned his countrymen of the danger of the Jews. This Internet Hoax has been debunked quite often but persists because those who hate Jews need to have that hate blessed or validated by some person of authority and respect.

    See my article at id Benjamin Franklin Warn Against the Jews.

    Comment by bernie from Planck's — May 9, 2010 @ 7:07 pm | Reply

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