- Sex on TV can’t hurt unless you fall off.
- Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
- Someday we’ll look back on all this and plough into a parked car.
- Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.
- Stupidity got us into this mess – why can’t it get us out?
- Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
- The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
- The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
- There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
- There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
- We are all time travellers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
- What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
- When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
- Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
- Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
- Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
- With a calendar, your days are numbered.
- You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
May 13, 2010
Humorous Observations part 5
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