I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
April 2, 2020
December 5, 2019
April 7, 2019
The Hand Job
An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.
As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up
to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar across from the old golfer.
“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “ May I help you sir?”
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?”
She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”
The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands really, really good, because I want a cheeseburger.”
February 20, 2018
Simple Harmonic Motion
How best to describe a simple harmonic motion?
Perhaps like this, as an engineer would?
Or perhaps this way, as a man’s man would?
NSFW
December 19, 2017
Santa’s Bad Day – The Birth of a Tradition
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Howdy!
Apropos of Nothing 