Apropos of Nothing

September 4, 2009

The Scotsman’s Wife

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 11:38 pm

An Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any panties?” her husband demanded.

“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.” The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”

Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.

“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman, your privacy is uncovered! Where are your undies?” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.” He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s $10. Go buy yourself some underwear!”

Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

“Sweet mother of Jesus, Aggie! Where are yer drawers?”

She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta afford any!”

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and Says, “Well, fer the love ‘O Jesus woman, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”

September 3, 2009

Getting Even

Filed under: Humour — aproposofnothing @ 7:10 pm

One December day a married couple found an old straggly cat at their door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. The husband didn’t feel like taking in a cat, but he and his wife both still felt sorry for her, so they put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. They didn’t know what to call her, so they named her “Pussycat”.

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let them know when they could come and get her. The man (a real complainer) said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks.” He reminded the vet that it was his wife that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

This man and the vet don’t see eye to eye. The vet calls the man “El-Cheap-O”, and the man calls the vet “El-Charge-O”. They love to hate each other and constantly “snipe” at one another, with the man getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day the man had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD’s waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in – he had obviously seen the man arrive.

He looked straight at the man and in a loud voice said, “Your wife’s pussy doesn’t stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she’s pregnant. God only knows who the father is!”

Then he closed the door. Now that, my friends, is getting even!