July 28, 2008
July 14, 2008
Want coffee…
An Indian walks into a small prairie town cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter, ‘Want coffee.’
The waiter says, ‘Sure, Chief, coming right up.’ He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns…….
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, ‘Want coffee.’
The waiter says ‘Whoa!! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday and what was that all about, anyway?’
The Indian smiles and proudly says, ‘Training for position in U.S. CONGRESS…. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.’
July 8, 2008
White Rabbit
Nicely done video using clips from the classic Disney film with the Jefferson Airplane song.
July 2, 2008
July 1, 2008
Golf
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and an Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, "What’s with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!"
The Chinese Businessman called out "Move it, time is money"
The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him."
"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest, "What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?"
George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, "That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them."
The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls"
The Aussie said, "Why can’t they fucking play at night?"
Ransom Note Generator
Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student
The following is an actual question, reportedly given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct … leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
This student received an A-plus.
Howdy!
Apropos of Nothing 