Humorous Observations part 3

1. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
2. Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
3. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
4. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
5. Always be yourself because the people that matter, don’t mind. And the one’s that do mind don’t matter
6. I bet you I could stop gambling.
7. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
8. I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.
9. I don’t get even, I get odder.
10. I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.
11. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
12. I love oral sex…it’s the phone bill I hate.
13. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
14. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse.”
15. I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is improving.
16. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
17. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
18. If a dog sniffs your ass, you’re probably a bitch.
19. If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
20. If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
21. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
22. If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
23. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
24. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
25. If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger …

Humorous Observations part 2

1. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
2. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. – ……It could be a right number.
3. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
4. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
5. Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
6. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling?!”
7. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone
8. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
9. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10. Married men live longer than single men, but they’re a lot more willing to die.
11. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
12. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
13. Most women don’t know where to look when they’re eating a banana.
14. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
15. My reality cheque bounced.
16. God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
17. Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.
18. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
19. He who has, so shall he who. – Old Norwegian Proverb
20. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
21. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
22. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
23. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
24. I am having an out of money experience.
25. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

Toxic Violins

Cover of “Toxicity” by System of a Down.  Never knew you could do that with violins.  Jennifer Lynn and Christine Wu on electric violins.  Meytal Cohen on drums.

Because waking up in the same place every morning is boring

A new wall decoration has arrived, and it’s called Winscape. Based on two 46-inch Panasonic TC-P46G10 plasma screens, a Mac running specialized software, a Wii remote, a custom-built IR-emitting necklace, and an iPhone app, Winscape creates two virtual windows, which can display static images up to 4096×4096 resolution, or 1080p video — with sound — and tracks the necklace wearer’s movements around the room, realistically changing the view out of the “windows” accordingly.

Space Cowboy

Top Gear Rally with Ken Block

As usual, great stuff from the Top Gear guys.

Humorous Observations

1. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
2. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
3. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4. A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
5. A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste.
6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. A day without sunshine is like night.
9. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
10. A hard thing about a business is minding your own.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
13. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
14. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
15. Beauty is only skin deep…but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
16. Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
17. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
18. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.
19. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
20. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
21. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
22. Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
23. Do you realize that in about 20 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
24. Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
25. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.